I came across an useful and informative article by Adam Khoo, an entrepreneur from Singapore on the ways how people deal with setbacks in life:
Look around and you can always find three kinds of people or there are three ways in which people deal with failure. Which category do you fall under?
The first group of people when they experience failure they look at it and say, "You know I fail because I'm not good enough." "I failed because it was just too difficult!" and they begin to make excuses, they begin to blame everyone except themselves, they start complaining, and guess what, they would give up. They say, "Well, it didn't work, let's forget about it, the stupid goal didn't work." And they go for something else. That is the first group.
What does the second group do?
The second group, when they experience failure, they may say, "Well, you know I fail, not because I am not good enough or it is too difficult but, I failed because I did not put enough effort. So I will try harder next time." So do you know what they do? They take more action, they try harder next time. They try again and they still don't get the result, what do they do? They will try again. If they don't get the result again, then what do they do? They try again. If they don't get the result, what they do? They keep trying, trying and trying.
Now, will they eventually hit the goal? Well if they do hit it, it is when they target small little puny goals. But if they were to set extremely exceptional high goals, it is rarely that they will hit it. They will improve by taking so much action and trying hard but they will never hit those targets they want to hit. They will never live the kind of life they want to live.
The reason is this, they keep on taking more action but they do not change their strategy. In other words, if you do the same thing the same way, you are going to produce the same result.
And these people, after a while, they begin to get really frustrated. I have seen so many sales people and so many business people who fall into this category, that whenever a business venture fails or whenever they do not produce the kind of sales results they want, they keep working more hours.
They work harder, they try and see more people and you know, they might try new things but more or less they keep within their comfort zone of doing the same things the same old way.
So, after a while, these people become extremely disillusioned. They say, "You know what the heck, I've tried everything, I've tried so hard but nothing seems to improve."
And, they start to get very cynical. They look at people who really experienced lots of success in their life and say, "Wow, you know what, these people are just lucky.
These people were there at the right place, at the right time and you know, they were just born under a lucky star and you know that I could never do that and I have tried everything."
So ask yourself this question, "Are you or the people around you exhibiting the first two patterns of either giving up or doing the same thing the same way until you get frustrated and you eventually give up at the end of it anyway?"
So, what does the third group of people do?
What is their pattern? See, the third group of people respond to failure very differently. In fact, they do not even see there's failure.
Whenever they do not reach their outcome, they say, "I did not fail. I just got a feedback and my feedback is that I used the wrong strategy."
They looked at it as feedback and they do not look at it as failure, guess what, do they feel bad? No, they do not. They do not get demoralized. Their state does not change. They still feel empowered, they still feel motivated, they still feel enthusiastic because to them it is feedback. And these people have what we call reflective intelligence. They are able to notice what went wrong with the strategy and they also have what we call behavioral flexibility.
In other words, they have the ability to consistently change their behavior and do whatever it takes to take action again and again until they get the result they want. No matter how many times they take, they will keep adjusting and changing their strategy until they get what they want. Now, I believe by constantly getting feedback and changing your strategy enough times, guess what, you are eventually going to achieve your goals.
Now that you are aware which category you fall under, you can make the decision to choose which response that you can take whenever you are faced with failure and move forward in reaching your goals.
The first group of people when they experience failure they look at it and say, "You know I fail because I'm not good enough." "I failed because it was just too difficult!" and they begin to make excuses, they begin to blame everyone except themselves, they start complaining, and guess what, they would give up. They say, "Well, it didn't work, let's forget about it, the stupid goal didn't work." And they go for something else. That is the first group.
What does the second group do?
The second group, when they experience failure, they may say, "Well, you know I fail, not because I am not good enough or it is too difficult but, I failed because I did not put enough effort. So I will try harder next time." So do you know what they do? They take more action, they try harder next time. They try again and they still don't get the result, what do they do? They will try again. If they don't get the result again, then what do they do? They try again. If they don't get the result, what they do? They keep trying, trying and trying.
Now, will they eventually hit the goal? Well if they do hit it, it is when they target small little puny goals. But if they were to set extremely exceptional high goals, it is rarely that they will hit it. They will improve by taking so much action and trying hard but they will never hit those targets they want to hit. They will never live the kind of life they want to live.
The reason is this, they keep on taking more action but they do not change their strategy. In other words, if you do the same thing the same way, you are going to produce the same result.
And these people, after a while, they begin to get really frustrated. I have seen so many sales people and so many business people who fall into this category, that whenever a business venture fails or whenever they do not produce the kind of sales results they want, they keep working more hours.
They work harder, they try and see more people and you know, they might try new things but more or less they keep within their comfort zone of doing the same things the same old way.
So, after a while, these people become extremely disillusioned. They say, "You know what the heck, I've tried everything, I've tried so hard but nothing seems to improve."
And, they start to get very cynical. They look at people who really experienced lots of success in their life and say, "Wow, you know what, these people are just lucky.
These people were there at the right place, at the right time and you know, they were just born under a lucky star and you know that I could never do that and I have tried everything."
So ask yourself this question, "Are you or the people around you exhibiting the first two patterns of either giving up or doing the same thing the same way until you get frustrated and you eventually give up at the end of it anyway?"
So, what does the third group of people do?
What is their pattern? See, the third group of people respond to failure very differently. In fact, they do not even see there's failure.
Whenever they do not reach their outcome, they say, "I did not fail. I just got a feedback and my feedback is that I used the wrong strategy."
They looked at it as feedback and they do not look at it as failure, guess what, do they feel bad? No, they do not. They do not get demoralized. Their state does not change. They still feel empowered, they still feel motivated, they still feel enthusiastic because to them it is feedback. And these people have what we call reflective intelligence. They are able to notice what went wrong with the strategy and they also have what we call behavioral flexibility.
In other words, they have the ability to consistently change their behavior and do whatever it takes to take action again and again until they get the result they want. No matter how many times they take, they will keep adjusting and changing their strategy until they get what they want. Now, I believe by constantly getting feedback and changing your strategy enough times, guess what, you are eventually going to achieve your goals.
Now that you are aware which category you fall under, you can make the decision to choose which response that you can take whenever you are faced with failure and move forward in reaching your goals.
Adam Khoo is an entrepreneur, master investor, best-selling author and a self-made millionaire by the age of 26. Over the last 15 years, he has trained over 350,000 professionals, executives and business owners tap their personal power and achieve excellence in their various fields of endeavor. Visit his blog at http://www.Adam-Khoo.com
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